We wish you a Zelly Christmas...!"
by Cathy the Boff
Summary: WHOO-HOO!!! *^_^* I'm BACK!!! Right, on with the show. Zell goes carol singing at all his friends' houses in the vain hope of getting mince-pies. Here's his tale!!! ^_^
1. A golden hot-dog for me!!!

It's about time I returned here!!! Good to be back! Sorry I haven't been around much, all work and no play has been my day for the last two months or so unfortunately. But since it is Christmas soon (and my birthday too!! *^_^*) I just had to get something done (besides that my mates have been bugging me about writing more for the last two months too).  
  
So here it is! A bumper Christmas edition, with some more to follow too!! Big thanks to Vick330 for encouraging me to write again after this long wait though. Thanks matey! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 (unfortunately. Damn. Pocket-money won't stretch that far.). They belong to Squaresoft. Ave Maria is not mine either (fortunately). You should know by now not to sue us writers, coz we need to have some fun!!! And Cindy has been trying to bite water from the taps as the water flows, she's busy and cannot protect me (whatever protection she would have been anyway! ^_~)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'Tis the season to be jolly, and to join in with the festiveness, dear little Zell decided that he should spread the good word of Christmas to all his merry little friends by singing door-to-door to them. ^_^ How nice of him!!!  
  
On such a cold winter's night, Zell trudged through the snow thicker than the forest foliage. He eventually found himself standing outside of the residence of Squall and Rinoa in Deling City, after being chased across land and sea by - no, not oglops, but lovely, adorable, cute widdle CHOCOBOS!!! Of all varieties, of course, but alas, choco-phobia is incurable. Standing boldly, staring at the door, Zell decided to start singing. What did he sing? Well, it went a little something like this!:  
  
  
  
*^o^* On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - a golden hotdog for me!!!  
  
On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - two boxing gloves and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! *^o^* Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - six Seifer dartboards, *^o^* FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - seven days in Shumi.(music stops) O.O NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! ^_~ (music reassumes) *^o^* Six Seifer dartboards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden-hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - eight fine- toothed combs, seven days in Shumi..hm. _ Ahem....*^o^* Six Seifer dartboards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me - nine cans of hair- gel, eight fine-toothed combs, seven days in Shumi.(get over it!!! _).*^o^* Six Seifer dartboards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me - (shouts) TEN ADVENTURES OF PUPURUN!!! WHOO-HOO!!! *^o^* Nine cans of hair gel, eight fine-toothed combs, seven days in Shumi, six Seifer dart-boards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! *^o^* Four tattoo transfers, tree pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me - Eleven beaten punch-bags, ten adventures of Pupurun, nine cans of hair gel, eight fine- toothed combs, seven days in Shumi, six Seifer dart-boards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!! *^o^* Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves and a golden hot-dog for me!!!  
  
(VERY majestically! O.O) ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE-LOVE SENT TO MEEEEEEE!!!!!! - Twelve brand new t-boards (those damn twinky-winky heads keep on conning them! _), eleven beaten punch-bags, ten adventures of Pupurun, nine cans of hair-gel, eight fine-toothed combs, seven days in Shumi.(.we're gonna have to "talk" about that one.!), six Seifer dartboards, FIVE CRATES OF BEER!!!! *^O^* Four tattoo transfers, three pairs of trainers, two boxing gloves, (*gasp for air*) AND A GOLDEN HOT- DOOOOGGGGG (*cough-cough* *gasp*) FOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR (ok guys, brace yourselves. Earplugs ready? Check! *lungs at full capacity of air, turning blue, grabbing his crotch ready to transfer from being a bass to being a soprano.God help us!!!) MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Squall opened the door, looked at poor little Zell, freezing himself to death in the cold, just to sing for his matey, and said, ".". Zell was confused.  
  
".Yo! Do I get any mince-pies?"  
  
"."  
  
"WHAT!!! After all I did for you, coming out here and giving Christmas a good cheer?! Nowt?!"  
  
"."  
  
"I'M CRA.I'M NOT CRAP!!! Maybe if you decided to speak once in a millennia we could find out how crap you are!!!"  
  
".*^o^* Ave Maria! Gratia plena! Dominus tecum! Benedictatu!.-_-"  
  
".O.O YOU'RE IN THE FRICKIN' OPERA SOCIETY OF DELING?!?!?!?!?!?! O.O .Er, HO-HO-HO!!!! MERRRRRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!"  
  
"."  
  
Squall shut the door, and left Zell out in the cold.again. "Well, that's one off the list! Next.let's think." (ten minutes of hard, concentrated thought later (and a lot of pain)), "AH YES!!! I'm now to meet Irvine and Selphie! I'd better get going! Surely they'll have some mince-pies."  
  
  
  
Please review!!! ^_^ 


	2. Mince-pies pweeeeesh!!!!

Whey-hey! Another part to this merry tale! ^_~ Sit back and enjoy! (with ear-plugs, of course.^_^)  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own the FF8 characters. (Damn. I could duet with Squall!) These carols are not mine either.  
  
"This'll show him for not giving me any mince pies!!! Gunblade-wielding nancy-boy!!!! Hang on, where does he keep it?" Zell thought as he drove the Ragnarok off to the icy plains of Trabia to get to the residence of Irvine and his precious little pumkin-bumpkin Selphie. Quite literally. Parking the Ragnarok in the Trabia Crater, Zell hugged his mittens and woolly cap closely as he braved the blazing icy-winds of the north to his friends' house.  
  
Once he was there, Zell plumped and puffed himself up to performing at this new venue. Ready? Here we go.  
  
(WARNING!!! Make sure you wear ear-plugs during this concert, for our fog- horned friend has no volume control.)  
  
*^O^* (Blaring out.I forgot my earplugs._) SIIIIILENT NIIIIIIGHT!!!  
  
HOOOLY NIIIIIIGHT!!! (Cathy: QUIETLY DOOFUS!!! IT'S A BLINKIN' LULLABY!!! NOT A BRAWL-OUT FROM THE PUB!!!)  
  
?^_~? ^o^ All is calm,  
  
All is bright,  
  
Round John Virgin's motherless child, (Cathy: .O.O)  
  
Holy imbecile, tender and wild, (Cathy: .WHAT?! O.O;;)  
  
Sleep in heavenly peas,  
  
Sleep in heavenly peas.^o^ (Cathy: .-_-;; there's no hope for this one, is there?)  
  
Zell was very happy at his rendition of "Silent Night", and thought that it must have been good, because the Dobermans next door were barking crazily. Yeah, they really must have enjoyed it, so much so that they were joining in!!! He'd better get and sing another carol for his newfound fans!!!  
  
*^o^* O come all ye faithful!  
  
Joyful and triumphant!  
  
O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem. (Cathy: .Huh? He remembered the words properly!!! ^_^ I knew he could do it!)  
  
Come and behold him!  
  
Born the King of Angels!  
  
(Quietly) ^o^ O come let us ignore him (Cathy: .=0)  
  
O come let us ignore him,  
  
(Loudly.O come, let us ignore Zell! _) O COME LET US IGNORE HIM!!  
  
CHRIST THE LORD!!! *^O^* (Cathy: .-_-;;; Not again!!!)  
  
" Wondeful!!! That'll show Squally that I can surpass all those at the Deling Choral Society! Maybe I'll be accepted one day." *_* Thought Zell, as the Dobermans were barking louder than Krakatau's explosion at the sing-along. "Strange. Irvine and Selphie haven't come out to congratulate me on my singing, and more importantly, HAVEN'T GIVEN ME ANY MINCE PIES!!!! _ One last song, and then I'm going to have to knock at their door! Better make it very good!!!" So Zell opened his big mouth (trained to open very wide after all those hot-dogs.)  
  
*^O^* Hark! The herald-angels sing,  
  
"Glory to the new-born king!  
  
Peace on Earth and mercy mild,  
  
Goddam sinners wreck the child!" (Cathy: .=0 OH NO!!!!)  
  
Joyful all ye nations rise! (Cathy: Phew!!)  
  
Join the triumph of the skies, (Cathy: Good! Keep it up matey!! ^_^)  
  
*^O^* WITH ANGELIC HOST PROCLAIM "CHRIST IS BORN IS BETHLEHEM!!!"  
  
(Cathy: YEAH!!! GIVE THEM A SMACKEROONY!!! *^o^* MINCE-PIES AHOY!!!! GIVE ME ONE TOO!!!)  
  
*^O^* HARK!!! THE HAIR-LIPPED ANGELS SING!!! (Cathy: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Good-bye, mince-pies, until next year.;_;)  
  
"GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!"  
  
Irvine opened the door in a hurry, almost bowling Zell over on his last note. How tragic! "Irvine! Old buddy! Old pal! Merry Christmas!! I thought you might like to hear some festive carols to get you into the festive spirit!! IknowI'msogoodatsingingbetterthanSquallywaybetterthanhimthereforeIdeservetog etatleasttwentymincepiesformygoodsingingcanIhavetwentythankyousomuch!!!!!!!! !!!" *^o^*  
  
Irvine, on the other hand, was a bit disturbed by something. "Hark the HAIR-LIPPED angels sing?! O come let us IGNORE him?! Holy IMBECILE tender AND WILD?! Forget about mince pies, you're not even going to get a thorn off the tree to eat!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL ANGELS "HAIR-LIPPED"!!!!!" Slam. Ho. Ho. Ho.  
  
So, poor old Zelly had to find somewhere else to sing to try and nab some prized mince pies. Who should he torture next? Non other than his bum- chum Seifer and his fair lady Quistis!!! *^o^*  
  
  
  
As always, pweeesh review!!! ^_^ 


	3. We Wish you a Zelly Christmas...

Yay! ^_^ Nearly Christmas! I can't wait! ^_^ Anyway, yes, here's another part to Zell's crusade for mince pies! ^_^ Hope you enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Like before, I STILL don't own the characters or the carols, but I'm saving up money to buy them! ^_^  
  
  
  
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After the icy depths of Trabia, cold little Zell walked back up to the parked Ragnarok after encountering several species of the third kind. Turning on the heating up to full blast once he stumbled inside the aircraft, soon he defrosted and began toasting his tootsies. Feeling warmer and able to move, Zell put the aircraft to use and flew to Winhill, the home-village of Seifer and Quistis.  
  
"Cor blimey!! It's snowing moogles and faeries 'ere!!" Zell exclaimed, dismayed at the sight of the thick snow on the ground with more falling through the chilly air. He found a place to park the stolen craft, and trudged into the snow deeper and chillier than the snowy icy wastelands of Trabia into the quiet sleepy village of Winhill. Staggering to the Almasy's door, he stopped, and waited. After a short while, he got some wind back and decided to puff himself up ready for a performance that would surely blow his audience away. One deep breath, and.  
  
*^o^* Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (*cough-cough* *hack*, AHEM!!! Too deep a breath) wish you a Zelly Christmas,  
  
We wish you a Zelly Christmas,  
  
We wish you a Zelly Christmas and a happy new year!  
  
*^o^* Good tidings we bring to bottle blonde queens,  
  
We wish you a Zelly Christmas and a happy new year! (Cathy: Actually, Zell, you do realise that you are on your own? ?-_-?)  
  
?^_~? *^o^* And I do want some yummy mince pies,  
  
And I do want some yummy mince pies,  
  
And I do want some yummy mince pies,  
  
So BRING SOME OUT 'ERE!!! (Cathy: ^_~;;; Trust him!)  
  
*^o^* Good tidings I bring to Mister Drag-Queen, (Cathy: What are the odds of 'im getting mince pies now?)  
  
I wish you a Zelly Christmas and a happy new year!  
  
*^o^* (Decides to sing the descant part instead. (_ Can he make it? Lets see.)  
  
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand (*cough-cough* *sneeze* *snort* *fart* Ooooh- er!)  
  
(ever ascending scale)We won't go,  
  
We won't go,  
  
We won't go,  
  
We won't go,  
  
*^O^* WE WON'T GO WE WON'T GO (Cathy: Brace yourselves people, we're looking at a chicken-wuss strangling a top "A" note coming up! Wait a minute, where are my earplugs??? O.O HOLD ON ZELL!!! I CAN'T FIND MY EAR PLUGS!!!!)  
  
SO BRING SOOOOOOOOOOME OUT HERE!!!!!!!!! (Cathy: O.O _ OOWWWW!!!! MY EARS!!!! (Writhing in agony))  
  
*^O^* Good tidings I bring to couples merry,  
  
(getting slower, emphasizing the up-coming ending) I wish you a Zelly Chriiiiiiiiisstmaaaaaaaaaasss (*gaaaaasp*) *^O^* AND A HAAAAAAPPYYYYYY NEEEEWWWWW YYEEEEEAAAAAAAARRR!!!!!!!  
  
Seifer opened the door, letting a warm mince-pie-smelling waft of air through to the cold outside world where poor little Zell was standing.  
  
"Zell! What winds bring you here?!"  
  
"Hello my good dear little bum-chum friend! I felt that maybe a good round of festive cheer might make you feel merrier towards Christmas! Andalsosomelovelymincepieswouldbelovelythankyouverymuch!!!!!".  
  
Seifer thought for about a minute, unscrambling that last sentence. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Spending a bit too long thinking. Spending long enough time thinking that icicles began to form on Zell's spikes.  
  
".Nah!" Seifer shut the door, leaving Zell to freeze outside.  
  
"Maybe if I sing a little more, then I might get some mince pies at the end of the day!" At this warming thought, Zell puffed himself up ready to sing again.  
  
Ready? One, two three!  
  
*^O^* ONCE IN ROOOOOYAL DAAAVIIID'S CIIITY.  
  
A shout from Seifer could be heard from within the house, making Zell stop singing (thank goodness for all!). Zell couldn't make out what he said, so he pressed his ear against the door to hear a bit better.  
  
"SHUT UP CHICKEN-WUSS BEFORE I WRING YOUR NECK AND MAKE AN EGG POP OUT AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!!!!!"  
  
Somehow Zell felt he won't be getting any scrumplicious mince pies from here. Poor old Zell, stuck in the cold for doing a good deed (really?!) and has no reward for his magnificent efforts. Where else could he go to try and earn himself some mince pies? Of course! There's always Mr. and Mrs. Kramer's house! They're kind enough to give Zell mince pies! Or are they.  
  
  
  
  
  
Pweesh review! ^_^ Thanks for reading! 


	4. Ding Dong! Merrily on high!

Right!  Last chapter of this edition.  Christmas Eve.  VERY EXCITED!!! ^_^  Anyway, hope you enjoy this last part as much as the other parts!  ^_^

Disclaimer:  Like the rest of the authors, I don't own the characters or anything to do with FF8!  _  No amount of pocket money can stretch that far…;_;

Getting back into the captain's seat of the Ragnarok and launching into the air, Zell piloted the dragon airship down to the Orphanage, where he would greet festive tidings with some more merry cheer (and hopefully gain mince pies out of it!).  Looking down at his former home of many years ago, he reminisced of the times when he celebrated Christmas with his friends; singing carols, getting picked on by Seifer, lighting candles, setting the Christmas tree on fire, watching the fire brigade come in to douse out the flames.  Yes, those were the carefree days of childhood, and those were the good old days.

After descending the airship onto the ragged grounds of the Centra landscape, Zell hopped out, but landed in a snowdrift and sunk 5 metres into the snow.  Just as if he couldn't get any colder.  Digging his way out of his problem, he eventually walked onto reach the Kramers' through the cold and foggy landscape.  

Out of breath, he halted at the door and gathered himself together to sing another round of festive tortures.  He was ready, set, aaaaaaaaaand:

*^o^*  *^o^*  Ding dong!  Merrily on high!

In heaven the gongs go "Bling! Bling!"

Ding dong! Summoning from high

The mighty Hyne who's singing:

What's this?  No, Zell wasn't singing, this was too good to be him.  No, it was Cid and Edea singing carols to cheer themselves!  Zell decided to listen in on their singing, and put his ear to the door:

*^O^*  *^O^*  GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  Hosanna in excelsis;  (Edea: Ah repeat!  The mahty Haiyne is a-singing:)

GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  Hosanna in excelsis!!!

*^o^*  *^o^*  E'en so, right down 'ere below,

We cannot hear Him singing,

So we sing this merry song

To join in with his chiming:

*^O^*  *^O^*  GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  Hosanna in excelsis;  (Cid: Laik we said afore, the mahty Haiyne is a-singing:)

GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  Hosanna in excelsis!!!

*^o^*  *^o^*  Bow down, sing up to the king,

And don't forget those mince pies!

Should you beautifully sing,

You'll scoff all those at night time!

*^O^*  *^O^*  GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  Hosanna in excelsis;  

GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIA!!!  (Split-part harmony) *^O^*  *^O^*  Hosanna in excelsis!!!

O.O  Zell was taken aback by this performance.  How could he live up to those kind of standards?!  What a hope it was to even consider auditioning for the Deling City Choral Society!  Impossible.  Hanging his head in dismay, poor little Zell turned around and walked slowly back towards the Ragnarok.  Just then, Cid opened the door.

"^_^  ZELL!!  What brings you here?  Nice to see you!  What a pleasant surprise!"

"Uh, well, I just thought I'd say "hi" since I was dropping by…"

"Come on in!  We can't have you freezing your butt off out there!  Have some mince pies if you wish!"

O.O  *^O^*  MIIIIIIIIIINCE PIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Cathy: Don't pig them all, I want some too!)

Zell was ushered in to defrost himself by the burning log fire, and eating the mother of all mince pies, he felt content.  Finally, he had achieved his Christmas goal this year.  Ho!  Ho!  Ho!  "Must *munch* remember *crunch* to *chomp* add a new New Year's *crack* (ouch!  My toof!  It 'urts!) Resolution – don't eat all the pies at Christmas.  ^_~  And sing many more carols to many more people!  ^_^"…Damn.  Well, everyone has a chance to recover, at the very least.  Until next year, Zell'll probably scoff and wolf all the hot-dogs in the cafeteria in the mean while.  Until then, *draw in as much air as possible*:

(GRANDIOSO…Don't ask, you know…) WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAASSSS *gasp*  AAAAAAAAAAAAND A HAAAAAAAAAAPPYYYYYY NEEEEEEWWW YEEEEEEEAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edea: Hey!  Who ate all the mince pies?!

Cathy:  Hehehehehehe!!!!!!

Have a merry Christmas, a happy New Year, and don't do as I do and eat all the pies…^_^;;;  


End file.
